Sometimes I forget

I truly love this picture it was shot by Nick Knight for I-D magazine's 30th anniversary and in collaboration with Showstudio, 200 portraits were commissioned to be shot to celebrate individuals who were being individuals in the cultural world.

Here Rasharn & I were shot with three models wearing our youth by youth collection, each model represents a demon, a challenge in what at that time we faced and in many respects still face to this day.

1. was our youth a collection created by youth (23 & 19) which we sacrificed in order to work in an industry we love one obsessed by the young & beauty yet ruled by the old & fragile, where opportunity for new energy is there but rare.

2- Was race at the time we experienced people who couldn't get past our skin tone and labelled as urban or was surprised when we turned up at events or ran down the catwalk struggles not only we alone face but minorities in general from the lack of diversity with the models who wear the garments on catwalks to those names who create them.

3- Was an uncertain future with finances strained and struggling to the point of bankruptcy we knew that soon we would have to abandon the label and had already made plans to create a magazine, insiders on insider but still looking from a distance.

Foolish Youth

I’m a foolish youth who needs life’s lessons for proof to grasp the hardcore truth, burned by living yet want more I feel alone, I feel alone ________ feel lost, lost,lost_______ will I ever find a home, home home Strangers land reaching out_______ for strangers hands_____ what don’t I know______ why can’t I understand ______ life never goes to plan Too young to sleep even though I’m weak, it’s my youth I’m trying to keep, lost yet don’t know what I seek, nor know these words I speak, they foolishly fall longing I call I feel alone, I feel alone ________ feel lost, lost,lost_______ will I ever find a home, home home Strangers land reaching out_______ for strangers hands_____ what don’t I know______ why can’t I understand ______ life never goes to plan I’m getting older and all it seems is the world gets colder before I believed I would achieve it all I had too many chips on my shoulder I feel alone, I feel alone ________ feel lost, lost,lost_______ will I ever find a home, home home Strangers land reaching out_______ for strangers hands_____ what don’t I know______ why can’t I understand ______ life never goes to plan

Blind Hope

Smoke more than before two packs a day why what’s up can’t you just say, you choke and laugh at unfunny jokes, instead of all this and the games you play there’s nothing standing in your way, I’m used to your presence but don’t mean that it’s a present or gift you no longer give me that boost or lift Drink a lot of liquor is to deal & cope or to give you blind hope, so you can’t find the truth see the evidence or proof, the roofs caving in the line is wearing thin, you can’t deny the distress we’re in the mess and stress we’ve caused, its paused we’re not moving forward but it seems we’re moving on Time is running slow, we both know someone’s got to go there’s no hitting rewind or pause it’s on fast forward to place in the dark where we know there’s shattered hearts there’s no return to the start, Too much confusion I’m waiting for the fall but somehow I keep giving my all there’s no mend or pretend that we can repair the one beating heart, I care but know in truth we need to prepare to take the dive as this isn’t living I barely feel alive, the signals on show mess up your mind, warnings of danger having to cruel to be kind

wonder pill

I don’t want you to say sorry I know it was your choice but hearing your voice takes me back to before when it wasn’t all a chore, where we’d talk everyday having something new to say, kissing and hugging, I’m missing what we had and you but I know that it’s through trying to push aside feelings that are true I only miss you more when you call, when I see your posts on my facebook wall, after drunken nights and I’m starting to sober then it hits me that we’re really over that I can’t cry on your shoulder or try to hold ya, I feel a cold chill sick and suddenly ill there’s no you my lift my everything and wonder pill Some days you’re on my mind and I find it easier to think at times I wish we could hit rewind but it’s all said and done and we’re no longer each other’s number one, the world we had has crumbled, I’ve already forgiven you as both had out part to play the stupid things young fools in love say I only miss you more when you call, when I see your posts on my facebook wall, after drunken nights and I’m starting to sober then it hits me that we’re really over that I can’t cry on your shoulder or try to hold ya, I feel a cold chill sick and suddenly ill there’s no you my lift my everything and wonder pill You’re out of my life, I never could Imagine this day that something so right that burned so bright at first would end this way, seeing you out the rush of feeling and doubt wondering what you’re thinking about but I won’t be the one you tell, I can only hope you’re well I only miss you more when you call, when I see your posts on my facebook wall, after drunken nights and I’m starting to sober then it hits me that we’re really over that I can’t cry on your shoulder or try to hold ya, I feel a cold chill sick and suddenly ill there’s no you my lift my everything and wonder pill I need peace of mind to find myself, seeing you don’t help shadows of the past, I do cope but there’s still hope it’s stupid of me my private joke, I know in time I’ll be ok but I just wish it would just hurry up because i’ve honestly had enough of being blue and always thinking about you

all i see is you

Something was missing when we was kissing, I tried to ignore but somehow for some reason I kept coming back for more, should of known from the start even though my heart’s not broken it still needs to be fixed , Sadly all I see is you even though we’re though, what I’m feeling is true I can’t deny I did try, but it wasn’t right all these doubts when I turned out the lights, trying with all my might to take it out of sight but what’s the use in keeping up the fight I fell even though it was wrong, I wasn’t content I know that we wasn’t meant to be but I was blinded infracted to the point I couldn’t see straight tired of the wait for my fairytale to come along but once again I’m hurt Sadly all I see is you even though we’re though, what I’m feeling is true I can’t deny I did try, but it wasn’t right all these doubts when I turned out the lights, trying with all my might to take it out of sight but what’s the use in keeping up the fight I thought I could keep what we had that somehow it wouldn’t turn bad, now all I feel is sad, fits of anger and mad that it didn’t work, I always expected more, the games came I tried to ignore, fix what was broke I tried to deny the smoke but somehow I began to choke

flowers

I don’t want to feel I was wrong, I try but I crumble why aren’t I as strong, see you singing to your favourite song, the tears flow I just hope you know that I wish everyday that you didn’t have to go, that I did show you how I feel and nothing changes that it’s so real Flowers a reminder of the worse hour, but give power to remember your life, the tragic day when I didn’t have my say, no more hope and pray, where my way failed but life for me prevailed, as you sailed into the distance, I witnessed the last dance You’re time here wasn’t in vain although now I feel this pain and it’s a crying shame, but you’re flying high, the kiss I miss yet remember it so sweet, when it claimed you and you were near defeat, how were you always so strong yet I so weak Flowers a reminder of the worse hour, but give power to remember your life, the tragic day when I didn’t have my say, no more hope and pray, where my way failed but life for me prevailed, as you sailed into the distance, I witnessed the last dance My biggest fear that you’d disappear but I feel your presence and I know you’re near, I know that you’ll always be here, that’s my comfort that saves me from constant tears, there’s always a place in my heart and I know that we’ll never be apart Flowers a reminder of the worse hour, but give power to remember your life, the tragic day when I didn’t have my say, no more hope and pray, where my way failed but life for me prevailed, as you sailed into the distance, I witnessed the last dance Something will see us through, as its true it will always be me and you, the time we shared the love and how much we cared, four years of course I wanted more but I felt alive and that feeling gives me drive to go on and strive for better this my dear is my love letter

sometimes

Sometimes I dream of places I’ve never been, and see faces I’ve never seen, yet I’m told that these lands and hands are impossible to see as you can only dream of faces seen before so who is the stranger I adore, each night appears and I want more and more It feels better in my head when I’m alone in bed, all things for the day has been gone and said, the one who haunts me appears a loner who it seems is so dear, yet when I awake its back to my normal fears, Sometimes I dream of places I’ve never been, and see faces I’ve never seen, yet I’m told that these lands and hands are impossible to see as you can only dream of faces seen before so who is the stranger I adore, each night appears and I want more and more A kiss tasted yet wasted in my mind’s eye, why does it deceive and why does it lie, does such an extreme beauty exist or is it just a dreaming man’s wish, to have all he needs goals set and achieved Sometimes I dream of places I’ve never been, and see faces I’ve never seen, yet I’m told that these lands and hands are impossible to see as you can only dream of faces seen before so who is the stranger I adore, each night appears and I want more and more if sleep is the cousin of death is this land in close hands with heaven, the holy number seven placed me here where all evil and doubt has disappeared, I can’t deny this feels like home a strange feeling one I never have known yet its beauty keeps in a zone. Sometimes I dream of places I’ve never been, and see faces I’ve never seen, yet I’m told that these lands and hands are impossible to see as you can only dream of faces seen before so who is the stranger I adore, each night appears and I want more and more I’m happy to fall asleep, days end I feel so weak, yet I can no longer pretend I wish not to awake for the heavenly father my soul to take, that I no longer need to live and learn from life’s mistake why awake when this plane is so great

simple

When it used to be simple, worried about spots and pimples before it was about who I dated, kisses leading to things then wishing I waited but lessons learned and fingers burned, heart torn yet tokens earned Feeling feelings I never known, something I wish I’d shown, who was to tell me it would have grown, foolish mistakes now I end up all alone Guess I was wrong to think you'd heal the pain but now i remember and it feels the same its cold without your hold and a shame, but at least i’ll remember your name,, a flickering yet not fully burning flame Feeling feelings I never known, something I wish I’d shown, who was to tell me it would have grown, foolish mistakes now I end up all alone I'll keep how I feel to myself and get through this one alone and on my own back to basics a feeling I remember, when another walked out on that cold December Feeling feelings I never known, something I wish I’d shown, who was to tell me it would have grown, foolish mistakes now I end up all alone I lost control so fast never learned from the past, let you have me whole, showed you the deeper side of my soul, every touch was too much, another level no wonder it seemed i was chasing the devil