Wtf is Racial Paranoia?

                  

                 Racial Paranoia 

I had never heard this phrasing until a post on Facebook brought it to my attention, a former friend commented on a friend of his posts that stated that 'we' were paranoid about Beyoncé being snubbed at the grammy's and summed it up as racial paranoia, to me his response was the definition of white privilege. 

Racial paranoia exists in acts we do, in the thoughts that fill us with doubt and like black clouds dampen moods, reminding us or making us think we're different and therefore feel other. It's constantly  asking questions trying to understand and decipher another misfortunate, was my last name too complicated? My hair too untamed? Was my skin too black? Was it my accent? What must I do to feel less like us and look like them?  

Apply chemicals to to look less like us, roots conditioned, hair straightened, skin lightened, conforming to societies perceptions, pressure to look like what is deemed beautiful. Hollywood stars with hair that flows like the river Nile, in this act we've already lost a piece of our identity,

fractured divisions, religion where no icon or no idol resembles my reflection, leading men and women the ideals of beauty, Celebrations and all round applause but not for my kind. 

It's funny that people can say things like 'racial paranoia' when they sit in a seat of privilege. Individuals who don't understand what it's like to exist as a citizen of colour in a whitewashed world. They wonder why we cling to the Beyoncé's and Rihanna's, they love the sass and caricatures but won't stand up when we're snubbed or hardly seen in places of prominence. To be celebrated is to be seen, to be seen is to be recognised and to be recognised is to be accepted and acknowledged! 

Sit down, take a seat and remain silent if you're not for the cause just here for the party and the hair flicks!

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Always on the outside looking in?

I’m more than sick of being reduced to a colour or my sexuality but they are two defining pillars to my posts of existing. In any case the truth is I’ve never fully understood or been able to relish them. I’ve always had a cold/cool distance from my being, seeing myself as one of but not necessarily apart of. 

Nonetheless that doesn’t mean I won’t fight for the advancements of queer/ black rights but I will also speak out on the injustice & segregation within those communities. Nothing & nowhere is perfect but unity is key to ensuring that as we move forward no one is left behind due to not fitting the overarching narrative of the community, such as how feminine they maybe or how dark the tone of their skin is. 

I know I have the privilege of being male and identifying as cisgender, of holding a British passport and speaking English on a native level, of having a curious mind that wanders and wants to understand the world we/ I inhabit. In any case I want to unlearn something’s that a British/ Nigerian catholic upbringing has imposed on my being, I want to feel freer, less judgemental and without bias both conscious and unconscious yet I’m not uncomfortable in revelling in the truth that every mind no matter how liberal has borders. Walls created in childhood, by lived experiences or from the society you were born into.  It’s only when we begin to understand this as minorities and communities that we can band together and educate one another on collective causes that fits a wider width than what’s presently presented. 

In truth I don’t align with the gay community as a whole, I’ll be called out for shaming if I say that hook-up culture isn’t for me that hyper sexualisation of my body isn’t something I indulge in. The level of Vanity, narcissism, adoration of certain body types, devaluation of minority races and the idolisation of our oppressors is simply shocking. I honestly feel less attractive every time I see the white washed utopia that presents itself through the pixels on my phone screen, movie billboards and parades itself around clubs where overly toxic masculinity rules supreme in spaces where femininity and queerness ideally should be celebrated is often excluded. 

I don’t align with the black British community that existed as I was growing up, one that laughed at my femininity, derogatorily dismissed my sexuality and failed to understand why someone may like art/culture that differed from hip-hop, basketball, football. I understood the films such as Bullet Boy & Kidulthood they represented an experience I experienced but didn’t define my own, where was what was meant to speak to me or was I simply that much of a minority it would be deemed too niche to consume? 

For an age I’ve felt like I was locked out looking in, no representation, a minority pushed out and not fully excepted by the communities where there should be a seat at the table. Alienation leads to frustration and then to rage but I’m not angry just sad at the state of two marginalised communities that in theory I care so much about.