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Monday, 3 April 2017

Plaster the wound

 Embrace the darkness and understand that some part of you somewhere within is broken, 

You're scared and the plaster won't cover the wound, the only way to heal it, is to understand it

Tinged by disappointment and Jaded by your experiences, a life half lived yet mostly endured, failing to simply connect with people, shyness presents itself in many forms articulate on the page inarticulate when communicating to others directly, 

Monday, 2 January 2017

New Year, Same Me!

Lol I hate resolutions...unrealistic promises to ourselves that if we're being truly brutally truthful, we will most likely break.

I think the best thing to do is be honest with oneself and say hey where am I weak and where can I be stronger. Let's not expect to sprinkle dust on ourselves and transform into a whole new being with altered perceptions and heightened understandings of ourselves and the world, as soon as the clock strikes 12!

Growth takes time and true growth allows you to react to situations that arise in a different way, you would of acted when you weren't the person you're now!

Monday, 1 August 2016


After visiting Berlin and seeing what division did to the city and how freedom for all citizens was only achieved 27 years ago, you look at England and think about how we want borders raised, families divided and freedom of movement stopped. 

The U.K is divided against rich and poor north and south young and old. The enemy is the migrant, a distraction against failed policies and a country reliant on a city that houses 1/6 of the population, yet a city where quality of life isn't too great with people stressed and stretched.  Cut to Berlin and it's like a Mecca of openness to a degree a country that has welcomed migrants and has a young cool population celebrating pride with a whole group of European citizens flying/ driving in to celebrate acceptance and togetherness

Friday, 20 May 2016

The Art of being lonely

Feeling lonely doesn't mean I'm alone in fact I'm surrounded by people daily from work to the commute to dancing in clubs on the weekend. The one thing I'd say all have in common is that I'm viewing lives from a distance, seeing the same faces daily, noticing yet hardly mentioning changes from the strangers on the train that aren't so strange, standing at the same spot, at the same time and seated in the same places, or colleagues who laugh, talk and smile but really never  break through the polite office pleasantries to clubbing, a quick chat in the smoking area or fumble on the dance floor that leads nowhere, new faces that repeat almost automatic robotic responses.

My friends are my friends and I feel our history keeps us together but we all seem to be moving either abroad or in different directions. The frustration of being drained and constantly feeling like a failure or that you're being failed is hard in a city that doesn't cherish youth or the poor. I get the anger and resentment but to wallow doesn't solve anything, I've learned that if you want something to fight and to keep losing is better than giving up and in and leading a life that's a half life. 

I've always danced to the beat of my own drum but when you're bored of clubbing, tired from work daily and trying to remain excited and optimistic about the endless possibilities life can bring when you're young in a capital city that is London, for all its sins there are still ladders waiting to be climbed but
when the majority around you are defeated, zoned out and moaning, you either beat them or join. 

The art of being alone is a hard one to grasp but when you finally find the freedom to do so I believe you can never feel freer, acting upon an act instead of waiting for others responses or making plans that you thought were solid that suddenly become unstuck. When you realise that your life is your life to live and not all can accompany or be a passenger on the ride,  you'll find peace.

 Bored why not book Paris? Stay in a hostel, go on tinder, join couch surfing... I know how flakey these services are but if you don't bite the bullet then you could end up waiting in the wings forever. I know somewhere there's someone who feels as bored and isolated maybe in countries I'll never visit speaking in languages I'll never speak yet someone who will take the time to understand my mind. Knowing there's others and that I'm not an island makes me feel a twinge of excitement for the future, MY future. 

Saturday, 14 May 2016

Quarter life crisis?

O to be young, a silent sigh at 26, it's not that I'm old or feel ancient I just know the glow has dimmed. I'm not talking about unlined and unblemished faces, I'm talking about my outlook that once considered every option a possibility and every door open. 

With age and experience comes bitterness in a sense that for someone of my class and income, I won't be able to glide from plane to plane after experiencing multiple adventures on soil distance from where my base that I'm based mostly is.

I try to remain enthusiastic and have a positive outlook on life despite being a melancholic individual that's always existed with a certain sadness. I constantly have to ask why should I be tinged with sadness when I live in a city that for all its sins allows people to climb up career ladders. 

I'm learning to place that fiery passion that exists within and I wish to receive from all things into areas that deserve it, I'm trying to understand that not everything and everyone can be good and not every event or day can have moments that will turn into memories as memories exist as they differ from the routine and repetition of existence. 

I'll admit I spend too much time tapping, clicking, swiping, scrolling and watching others live their lives but hey if it helps turn off and I get some kind of enjoyment from it why should I care?