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Friday, 20 May 2016

The Art of being lonely

Feeling lonely doesn't mean I'm alone in fact I'm surrounded by people daily from work to the commute to dancing in clubs on the weekend. The one thing I'd say all have in common is that I'm viewing lives from a distance, seeing the same faces daily, noticing yet hardly mentioning changes from the strangers on the train that aren't so strange, standing at the same spot, at the same time and seated in the same places, or colleagues who laugh, talk and smile but really never  break through the polite office pleasantries to clubbing, a quick chat in the smoking area or fumble on the dance floor that leads nowhere, new faces that repeat almost automatic robotic responses.

My friends are my friends and I feel our history keeps us together but we all seem to be moving either abroad or in different directions. The frustration of being drained and constantly feeling like a failure or that you're being failed is hard in a city that doesn't cherish youth or the poor. I get the anger and resentment but to wallow doesn't solve anything, I've learned that if you want something to fight and to keep losing is better than giving up and in and leading a life that's a half life. 

I've always danced to the beat of my own drum but when you're bored of clubbing, tired from work daily and trying to remain excited and optimistic about the endless possibilities life can bring when you're young in a capital city that is London, for all its sins there are still ladders waiting to be climbed but
when the majority around you are defeated, zoned out and moaning, you either beat them or join. 

The art of being alone is a hard one to grasp but when you finally find the freedom to do so I believe you can never feel freer, acting upon an act instead of waiting for others responses or making plans that you thought were solid that suddenly become unstuck. When you realise that your life is your life to live and not all can accompany or be a passenger on the ride,  you'll find peace.

 Bored why not book Paris? Stay in a hostel, go on tinder, join couch surfing... I know how flakey these services are but if you don't bite the bullet then you could end up waiting in the wings forever. I know somewhere there's someone who feels as bored and isolated maybe in countries I'll never visit speaking in languages I'll never speak yet someone who will take the time to understand my mind. Knowing there's others and that I'm not an island makes me feel a twinge of excitement for the future, MY future. 

Saturday, 14 May 2016

Quarter life crisis?

O to be young, a silent sigh at 26, it's not that I'm old or feel ancient I just know the glow has dimmed. I'm not talking about unlined and unblemished faces, I'm talking about my outlook that once considered every option a possibility and every door open. 

With age and experience comes bitterness in a sense that for someone of my class and income, I won't be able to glide from plane to plane after experiencing multiple adventures on soil distance from where my base that I'm based mostly is.

I try to remain enthusiastic and have a positive outlook on life despite being a melancholic individual that's always existed with a certain sadness. I constantly have to ask why should I be tinged with sadness when I live in a city that for all its sins allows people to climb up career ladders. 

I'm learning to place that fiery passion that exists within and I wish to receive from all things into areas that deserve it, I'm trying to understand that not everything and everyone can be good and not every event or day can have moments that will turn into memories as memories exist as they differ from the routine and repetition of existence. 

I'll admit I spend too much time tapping, clicking, swiping, scrolling and watching others live their lives but hey if it helps turn off and I get some kind of enjoyment from it why should I care? 

Saturday, 2 April 2016

Signs and Symbols

We all need symbols to help us push forward, some people look to the stars, celebrities, individuals raised up and praised, others to deities, presence never present yet seemingly felt, I well I look to art. 

Art is that experience from one laid out to another, it's words, it's rhyme, it's vision, it's sense. Entangled with most symbols is art a performer performs an act, religion uses imagery and words to reinforce its power, architecture of grand scales houses divine treasures, churches, mosques and synagogues. 

Art to me is my saviour as its my escape, my refuge from reality and allows me to believe in human existence one more, people, places, passion. It divides yet also unites and it's what I've given my life to, to consume and create. 

Monday, 28 March 2016

The art of you

For too long I've been scared of me,of my mind and myself. I think and I feel intensely, I want every moment to be a moment so that it can be a memory... Yet that doesn't make sense at all, as some moments are meant to fall by the way side and be forgotten. In the age of snapchat, Instagram and various other social sharing platforms it seems everyone wants the same. 

This weekend has been an eye opener for me, I basically hanged out with myself. I didn't do grand things like go to a gallery or roam food markets or take a long stroll, I just chilled in my house watching Girls, Vikings and the two Captain Americas. These are things i don't do much as I'm drained from work and just spend time typing, tapping and scrolling, watching the lives of others. 

I was scared at first of being alone  and a bit anxious yet now I'm happy I did it, as most of my friends went on holiday or back to their families, due to being a Londoner I was left here. Alone didn't equate to lonely, in this instance in a sense it was liberating, to not need others. Due to this, I'm going to do what I've always wanted to do and book a flight away to spend sometime in a European country alone. Drinking, dancing, partying , walking, talking and simply chilling out with me, myself and I. I hope it will be a chance to discover who I've become and who I'm becoming and meet with Individuals outside of my friendship zone. They say living starts outside the circle so I'm ready to jump out 😀

Sunday, 8 November 2015


 Sometimes I get a strong desire to just up and leave London not for good but for a bit. Escape the damp, drizzle, the grey and the rush. I usually run to somewhere sun soaked and calmer, yet never too calm, being a boy born in the city yet raised in the country only to return to a capital, I know too much serenity and stillness isn't for me. So ideally I look for a city that's not too hectic offering sun, sea and sand yet one with nightlife and happening happenings. So I ended up in Barcelona. I've been before and enjoyed it, yet feel I didn't fully explore it.

the beach, the warmth, the easy transport that's cheap and cheerful with ten rides on train or tram hitting the ten euro mark.


We stayed close to the Fontana station at the Residencia Erasmus Gracia. The hotel was clean with multiple services on offer from bike hiring to wifi in the foyer opposed to in the rooms, which allowed for a form of  escape for me giving the space to enjoy the holiday without being constantly connected to emails and social media. I found the communal kitchen quite nice, coming in hand when you want a chilled and cheap night in. Prices start at around 29 Euros per night.


My favorite shop overall was a charity/ thift store called Humana that had a cute selection of garments from old school Adidas and Nike sweaters to throw back 80's patterned jackets. Surprisingly there was a large range of clothes for men from sportswear to Lyle & Scott, Fred Perry & Lacoste,  they were in mostly small to medium sizes. It was refreshing to see a charity store that was aware of it's second hand/vintage status yet didn't reflect that in the price. Many of the clothes were €4 with tailored and leather jackets also on hand for around €15.


There was a few places around us from the ever present McDonald's if you're into food that you know. For me it was more about quality eats nice places and low prices, There was a few shops to be cautious of serving bland and tasteless food, they even went so far to cook a Ristorante pizza and serve it doing nothing but taking it out of the box and placing it in the oven. There was also good experiences with variety of restaurants serving  Spanish cuisine to Chinese and Thai and even a Wok to Walk. I highly enjoyed Macchina Pasta bar, that stayed open till late, it allowed you to choose the pasta of your choice and then add toppings and sauce, prices were cheap and cheerful and you could watch as it was made. I also enjoyed some of the many bakeries that even had the NYC started 2013 craze the Cronut.

Things to do

The Aquarium is a nice escape for a few hours and next to the beach front, so you can go for a stroll before or after and soak up the sun. I also found trawling the La Boqueria food market. The market stocks a wide range of food from meats to fresh fruit, sweets and smoothies. I found it fun trying the fresh fruits and vegetables and conversing with the stall keepers.


We traveled with Easy Jet, which was a first for me, fast, cheap and reliable it won't be the last. Its great to have budget airlines that don't feel to budget and that's where Easy Jet excels.This is my second time in Barcelona, I've always found that it's a city but a calm one. There's not much to sight see in truth beyond Gaudi's buildings and park but that's not what I expect from Barcelona. With cheap drinks and a slower and more relaxed pace, I escape to the city to party at night usually at Arena, the poly sexual club with the latest pop and r&b music with sprinkling of Spanish hits. It's cheap and cheerful and always brings in a Jolly crowd. and relax in the day on the beach by soaking up the sun.

By Jaiden