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Tuesday, 20 June 2017

How British are you?

Growing up race/nationality was never much of a big deal. I lived in blissful ignorance, I was young my school friends were young and we liked Dragon Ball z, Pokemon, Digimon and Rugrats - if only things remained that simple. 
This whole idea of being and feeling British, seem to arrive with Brexit. What exactly was Britain and why did it mean so much? When people used to rant and rage about the white van man from the middle of the country displaying the St.George flag being racist and offensive, it always baffled me. Now I understand... nationalism at its finest... 

I've always seen England and Scotland as countries attached, united yet equally different, yet I've never understood why Northern Ireland was ruled by Britain and why Westminster had so much power in the matters of other countries, let's not forget Wales, who for some reason decided to turn their backs on Europe. To me the United Kingdom is the last of the empire which it seems the sun is finally setting. 

Over evaluated self importance is what led us here to the point where no one knows where to turn, Scotland and Northern Ireland want to remain in Europe, whilst Wales and England want to leave, what does that exactly mean when 48 to 52 prefer to remain a part of a wider union yet they're in a smaller Union that's forcing them to leave! Brexit is basically seppuku. We're leaving something that offers so much opportunity especially to the young, a specific group which this country/ government insists on punishing. 

What does it mean to be British/ European in sensibilities and African in heritage, when all you hear is immigrant, alien, asylum seeker, refugee. What does it mean if those seeking asylum look like you? Who are they telling to go back home? When and if they go back home when will the hate turn on me? 

What if you're like me, a second generation immigrant who's mother scrubbed hotels in the morning, cooked for lawyers in the afternoon and studied in the evening all while single handily raising four kids? Someone who's ambition burned bright and lived on a dream, seeing visions of a futile future one with a better life and more opportunities for herself and her children. Doing jobs that many see as beneath them. What happens then, when those who want to be serviced have no one to service them? 

Monday, 12 June 2017

How does it feel to be a colour?


How does it feel to be reminded of your race before your sexuality? Before anything you're a big black dick, a fat ass or you've got thick dick sucking lips. Yeah I've heard it all. I only like black he says, a priceless privilege to be part of the populace who likes a minority - an inferior like me. I only like black he says so when I see him smile at another I feel he's pitting me against my race, he only likes black he says and I like a fool accept it, he only likes black he says and I'm reminded once again, I'm a colour, black mostly yet sometimes brown. 

Then there's him the good looking in a cookie cutter kind of way. He walks with such assurance, a 4/10, but then he's white and I'm black so I guess he's a six, and I'm a two. He has that English arrogance, you know the manner that brought about brexit, the kind that colonised half the world and believed that an empire was an overall right in the many wrongs. He looks at me, or is it through me, or maybe past me. How will I ever know? Does he think anything of me, am I paranoid or is it all because my confidence is low. 

This is the battle in my mind, it rages constantly, hi I say wondering if he likes my race, I don't do black, you're cute for a black boy, have you got a big dick. I'm either told my entire race is ugly to his eyes, or I stand out against my race and in me there's a light that he doesn't see often, or I'm fetishised due to a myth and legend, an old cock tale! 

Monday, 3 April 2017

Plaster the wound

 Embrace the darkness and understand that some part of you somewhere within is broken, 

You're scared and the plaster won't cover the wound, the only way to heal it, is to understand it

Tinged by disappointment and Jaded by your experiences, a life half lived yet mostly endured, failing to simply connect with people, shyness presents itself in many forms articulate on the page inarticulate when communicating to others directly, 

Monday, 2 January 2017

New Year, Same Me!

Lol I hate resolutions...unrealistic promises to ourselves that if we're being truly brutally truthful, we will most likely break.

I think the best thing to do is be honest with oneself and say hey where am I weak and where can I be stronger. Let's not expect to sprinkle dust on ourselves and transform into a whole new being with altered perceptions and heightened understandings of ourselves and the world, as soon as the clock strikes 12!

Growth takes time and true growth allows you to react to situations that arise in a different way, you would of acted when you weren't the person you're now!

Monday, 1 August 2016


After visiting Berlin and seeing what division did to the city and how freedom for all citizens was only achieved 27 years ago, you look at England and think about how we want borders raised, families divided and freedom of movement stopped. 

The U.K is divided against rich and poor north and south young and old. The enemy is the migrant, a distraction against failed policies and a country reliant on a city that houses 1/6 of the population, yet a city where quality of life isn't too great with people stressed and stretched.  Cut to Berlin and it's like a Mecca of openness to a degree a country that has welcomed migrants and has a young cool population celebrating pride with a whole group of European citizens flying/ driving in to celebrate acceptance and togetherness