All my friends are wasted
My phone vibrates and I wonder who it will be, there's always someone wanting something asking for more than, they ever give. A Boy looking for a human dildo, an associate asking for a favour, a party friend hollering when the weekend calls – empty hollow interactions. Hellos, hi's and many fake goodbyes that suck me dry and make me think is this life, full of half-arsed people who can't be bothered to be 100%. People who know me but don’t really know me or care to understand my interior, my full complexities and flaws.
As I move from my mid to late twenties I learn more about not only myself but those who surround me. I now have friendships that span 12 years, a history that can't be erased easily. Yet it's now more than ever that I see the lottery of life, a gamble where some of my friends have won or are already winning. Without knowingly doing so we're all in active competition. Who can travel the furthest, get the coolest best-paid job, the hottest and most interesting partner. A game we all play yet never really opted in to, most friends want to see you thrive but no one wants to see you soar past them, onto higher plains and a better life.
Holidays are always an example of how different our situations are when one friend can throw down £300 on a hotel/ air bnb but the other world rather spend £60 on a hostel or eat quick and fast food whilst the other would rather fine dine. Frictions, divides and differences are always more evident when people go abroad, especially when the small bad habits and traits are magnified, annoyances you can ignore in small doses are all of a sudden looming and large. I've had my fair share of fallouts and long breaks from friends because of this.
The fact is for me, my friends are the loves of my life, for when I break up it's their arms that hold and their voice that soothes. I've learned to accept their flaws as I'm sure they have mine and no matter how far I travel, my home it seems is always laughing, living and loving around them! I seek fearless friendships that burn bright and stand the test of time, where even when I’m distant, the distance doesn't create a gap. They're the kind of relationships that empower me, rare, odd and unique you can't seek them out, they just fit and flourish as something about each's energy is harmonious. We have looks that are a language, we see things that no one else can understand but us!
The past informs the present but we’re too busy actively creating new memories that we don't need to polish old ones constantly. With anything all isn't rosy all the time but we’ve learnt to accept flaws or stick around to help change them, we contribute to each other's growth And that is why I say that my friends are the love of my life for with them I am a version of myself that feels most true, for with them I feel at home!